On birth certificates

Document all the things

Italy’s conservative government has been removing non-birthing lesbian parents from children’s birth certificates. Some radical feminists have said this is good, actually, because birth certificates should only list biological parents.

However, Italy is not concerned about biological heritage. Non-biological fathers can remain on birth certificates, even when sperm donors were used. Heterosexual couples who used donor eggs or donor embryos are also unaffected. The government also doesn’t seem to care that some non-birthing mothers are biological parents (because of reciprocal IVF). This is purely about targeting lesbians and their children.

There is a lot of discussion in donor-conceived communities about which names should appear on birth certificates. My position is that children are entitled to:

1. Financial support from the parents who created them, including non-biological parents who participated in donor conception.

2. Access to the identities of both biological parents.

If we change the law to require #2, that’s fine with me—but legal records must continue to document #1 to protect everyone involved, starting with the child.

Legal parents and the child’s right to support

Birth certificates establish the child’s legal parents. Typically, the mother’s spouse is the presumed legal parent regardless of whether donor gametes were used, or there is good reason to believe another man fathered the child. This is a conscious decision by the state to ensure the child receives financial support from birth.¹

If the husband wants to contest his status (which is not necessarily the same as contesting biological paternity; see donor gametes) he needs to follow the legal process.

It’s good for this to apply to lesbian parents too. Consider the following scenario: Two married lesbians conceive a child with a sperm donor. The legal agreement absolves the donor of responsibility, so both women are legally responsible for the child.

Sadly, there has been at least one case where a lesbian couple splits, and the pregnant woman’s wife tries to escape responsibility. That’s not okay. She signed the papers and helped to create the child. If she regrets it, too bad. She owes child support for 18 years. This is in the baby’s interest.

Italy’s government is taking children with two legal parents and leaving them with one. The second mother may even lose custody if the birth mother dies. Whatever you think of donor conception, this does nothing but remove support from children who already exist.

Biological parents and the child’s right to know

Since the birth certificate is often the only public record of a child’s parents, omitting the biological parents’ names can mean the child never has access to the information. Unfortunately, there is a long history of adoptive and recipient parents concealing the truth from their children.²

Some donor-conceived and adopted adults want birth certificates to list the biological parents in all circumstances. Donor Sibling Registry proposes the following:

If the birth certificate is amended in any way (such as adding legal parents when an adoption is finalized) it should be unlawful to omit any original information, including biological relations, from the new copy. We would also seek to abolish anonymous donor conception, or at the very least, list the clinic and the donor ID on birth certificates.

Of course, donor-conceived adults are a diverse group. Some object to any non-biological parent appearing on the birth certificate, even in addition to bio parent names, because they feel strongly about the distinction. Others want the certificate to reflect the parents who raised them, exclusively, because they don’t feel connected to their donors.

As a recipient parent, it’s not my place to say exactly how we should record and label different types of parents. Personally, I have no issue with biological parents appearing in official information, and I don’t care if we document the information on original birth certificates, or amended certificates, or something else with a different name. But however we do it, official records must continue to document legal parents, including lesbian parents, to protect donor-conceived children and their families.

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When we conceived our son with a known donor, we had a formal agreement in place, but conceiving at home (turkey baster method) turned out to invalidate the agreement in our state. (Oops.) My wife was the presumptive legal parent just like any spouse, so her name is on the birth certificate.³

Still, in theory, someone could have challenged the arrangement. A few scenarios would be: Our donor suing for custody, my wife suing to not be responsible, me trying to keep the child from my wife, or the state coming after our donor for child support. We weren’t worried about any of the above, but we did a “second parent adoption” to protect everyone.

The adoption order explains everything. The biological mother (me), biological father (donor), and the two legal parents (me and wife). No confusion. It seems like a good model for any records describing donor conception.⁴ There is no reason to limit ourselves to two fields when a baby’s biological and legal parents are different. If the situation is complicated, use words and spell it out.

1. I am writing from a US perspective, and exact laws can vary between the states.

2. This can also happen when a birth results from infidelity, rape, and so on.

3. I don’t believe we had the option of doing it differently, but we wouldn’t have. Same-sex marriage had only been legal for a year, and we weren’t fucking around, especially since we didn’t have a legal donor agreement thanks to going rogue.

4. The only issue with our records is that they are sealed. We saved copies for our son, but of course not all parents are open with their kids. I support proposals to make all records available to donor-conceived and adopted adults.